I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
