it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
