he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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