A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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