my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Never let your siblings swipe right.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
