and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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