4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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