we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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