I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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