Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
