how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
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I feel like death gave me a hand job
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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