just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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