This is not my ceiling
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
