Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
