I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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