I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
