Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
