I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
