If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
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the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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