I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Ketchup is God's man juice
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
