okay pat passed out under dana's car
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
