I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Where did you get a picture of my penis
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
