I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
