It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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