I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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