he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Is it because I queefed?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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