Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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