when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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