Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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