Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
