there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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