she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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