We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
