I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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