Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
