you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
