I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
