he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
