He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
