like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
