So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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