did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
