Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
