Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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