you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
