Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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