Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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