Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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