i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
