I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Randomize
