good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
