sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
