At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
