We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
