I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
