Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
