I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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