Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
