Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
