I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
