I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
