Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
