i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize
