i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
