We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
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Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
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Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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