I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
