look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
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Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
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I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
you never un-have a 4some
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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