Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Semen is not good for contacts.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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