I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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