Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
