At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
