Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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