Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
